The Dove Story

Welcome to The Spot Writers. The prompt for this month is to write a short story in which something red plays a central role. 

This week it’s Cathy MacKenzie’s turn. Her writings are found in numerous print and online publications. New under her writerly belt is THREE HEARTS, a memoir eight years in the making about her son’s last days and the aftermath. Available locally from her or on Amazon.https://www.amazon.com/dp/1990589197.

Check out www.writingwicket.wordpress.com for further information on Cathy’s works.

 

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The Dove Story

Catherine A. MacKenzie

 

Late in 2023, Hubby and I bought two large containers of Dove body lotion at $12.99 each (plus tax). We used it for several days after our showers. Hubby likes lotion over his entire—and I mean entire—body. Me, I have special face cream and usually use any no-name-brand on my legs/elsewhere, but I used this Dove instead.

Within a couple of days, Hubby’s skin was red and itchy. My legs soon got red and itchy, too. What in the world...

We kept applying more lotion in the hopes of curing our ailments. Dove products are great, right?

Yep, they are! Unless—

—Unless you’re dummies like Hubs and me. After adding one and one to get two, along with donning my eye glasses, the reason for our condition revealed itself: silly me had picked up body WASH instead of body LOTION. Yep, we’d been rubbing body wash on our bodies after our showers and there it would sit for 24 hours until our next morning’s shower. No wonder our skin turned red and itchy!

To be fair to me, the “body wash” wording was in teeny weeny print. Print so small I needed a magnifying glass to read it. And, I swear, I picked them up in the lotion section.

I’m not one to complain (too much!), but in this case, I did. I emailed Dove to complain about their labelling, saying their small print should be in larger print for us seniors. Surprisingly, I received several emails in reply, asking where I purchased them, how long the symptoms lasted, did we require medical care, etc., etc. 

Long story short: Dove mailed me two coupons for two Dove products, each worth up to $15. The expiry was February 29, 2024. I stuck them in my purse.

I had lotsa time, right? I didn’t need to rush to the store to redeem them.

The expiry date popped up in my mind every now and then. I’d rummage through my purse. Find the coupons. Re-read the particulars. Still lotsa time...

But, no, not when time passes toooooo fast and it’s suddenly February 26th!

I charged down to Shoppers Drug Mart. I’d buy something else, too; no way would I redeem thirty dollars’ worth of coupons without a purchase. 

I walked up and down the aisles. Alas, it was hard to find something between $12.99 and $15. Plus, I wanted LOTION! Most items were way less or waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more, and I wanted to get my money’s worth. The conditions stated ONE item up to $15.00 per coupon. So, after much aisle-traipsing, I found lotion for $12.99, albeit in much smaller containers than the body wash we’d purchased. The larger “body-lotion-which-was-really-body-wash” was a great buy at $12.99. We don’t usually spend that much for body lotion. Nor do we EVER buy body wash (much preferring soap), which was the reason for my email to Dove: we wouldn’t have purchased those two containers had we known they were body wash. 

Anyhow, since we paid $12.99 for the body wash, the lotion at $12.99 was a wash (no pun intended), so I picked up two, along with the item Hubby needed. On the way to the cash, I decided I’d better gather my paraphernalia: the two coupons, myOptimum points card, and Hubby’s credit card. 

I dug into my purse. No coupons to be found. I did, however, find the lovely apologetic letter from Dove. Alas, that wouldn’t pay for the lotion! I set the three items on a shelf and rummaged through my purse again. Removed almost everything. Set items on the floor and shelves. No coupons!

I telephoned Hubby: “Did I leave the coupons on the table?”

“No,” he said. “No coupons.”

You gotta understand my husband. He’s never worn glasses, but I swear, he should. He can never see anything—or find anything. I figured they were there: in plain sight.

“I’ll come home,” I said, more than pissed at myself. I left the three items on the shelf, ensuring all my personal items were back in my purse—all the while hoping cameras weren’t capturing my movements and security wouldn’t accost me at the door. Wouldn’t THAT be a story—calling Hubby from jail!

I got home. Nothing on the table. I emptied everything from my purse. No coupons.

I looked around the living room. The kitchen. The bathroom.The bedroom. Tried to retrace my steps. I’d had the coupons just before I left the condo, holding them in the light while my glasses were on, trying to read the fine print to see what items I could buy. Read them off to Hubby. Things like Ben & Jerrys, Knorr, Hellmann’s, Vaseline, Lipton... Along with Dove. Who knew Unilever owned so many brands?

I didn’t want ice cream. I didn’t want soup. I wanted Dove lotion!

I was positive I’d stuck the coupons back into my purse before I left the condo.

I had been to Dollarama before going to Shoppers and had gone through my purse for change. Had they dropped out then?

“I’ll go back to Dollarama,” I said. “Though if they fell out of my purse, I’m sure the staff has thrown them in the trash.”

“Yeah, they’d think they were litter. Wouldn’t think they’d be valid coupons.”

“I know.”

I was more mad at myself than the loss of thirty dollars. I felt as if I were losing my mind. Was I THAT out of it? How could I lose two good-sized thick pieces of paper? I had them in my grasp not thirty minutes previously.

I left the condo and headed to the elevator. 

Oh man! What did I find laying on the wall trim by the elevator?

My coupons!

The worst part? I don’t remember setting them there.

 

Epilogue: The two Dove products were still on the shelf where I’d left them, along with the other item. Hubs and I don’t have any more red or itchy skin. In fact, our skin is now silky smooth after using Dove lotion. Thanks, Dove, for the coupons. Much appreciated!

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The Spot Writers:

 

Val Muller: http://www.valmuller.com/blog/

 

Catherine A. MacKenzie: https://writingwicket.wordpress.com/wicker-chitter/

 

Phil Yeats: https://alankemisterauthor.wordpress.com

 

Chiara De Giorgi: https://chiaradegiorgi.blogspot.con/